My Boss and I Found an Alien in the Back of the Store, and We’ve Been Feeding It Pringles

Hey guys, so as the title says, me and my boss found an alien, and we really don’t know what to do about it, especially considering what happened recently. Looking for advice or whatever.

So, to make a long story short, I work for a Quickchek in Scotch Plains, NJ. Started working there as a summer job, but now, ever since the ol’ art degree didn’t pan out, it’s been that and Uber for the past three years. My parents are sick of me, but what can you do.

I’m in the store around 5:00 in the morning, no one’s been in there for like, oh, I’d say thirty minutes, and that was just Dale for his morning coffee. My boss walks in, and immediately, he starts sniffing around.

“Jay, did you shit yourself?”

“What? Mike, no, the fuck are you talking about?”

“I smell something rancid. Did someone leave out a thing of milk?”

“No?” I inhaled deeply as well, and sure enough, there was something faint and sickening from inside the store. “It’s probably a dead rat.”

“Better not be; I paid way too much for those Ladybug Pest people to not get rid of the fucking nest.” He went behind the counter and grabbed a broom. “I’m gonna look around.”

“Knock yourself out.” My boss started circling around the QuickChek, checking under displays, and checking out the employee break room. He went into the back storage, and let a soft “the fuck?” out. He came out and walked out towards me.

“Who’s weird stuffed animal is that in there?” he asked.

“Stuffed animal?” I repeated. “Might be Kevin’s, he’s a little special.”

“Yeah, but it smells like rot, man. Like he’s been jerking off into it when he’s on his break.”

I shuddered. Fucking Kevin.

“You need to get rid of that thing.”

“Fuck no, I don’t wanna touch Kevin’s weird sex toy!”

“I haven’t reported you for those Zyn’s that have gone missing, you owe me.”

I groaned as I grabbed a trash bag from under the counter and trudged to the back of the store. When I entered, though, it wasn’t there.

“Where did you see it, Mike?”

“It’s on the table.”

“…no, it’s not.”

“What, do I have two Kevin’s?” He walked towards me. “It’s literally right…” He pointed at the table, and he fell into a hushed silence. “It… it was there….” He turned to me. “Okay, Jay, fuck off; I don’t know what sick prank you’re pulling, but whatever plush toy you filled with shit or whatever the fuck…”

“The fuck are you saying, Mike?! I didn’t…”

We were both cut off by a loud gurgle. We looked up, above our heads, and attached to the ceiling was the creature; it had two bulbous and wrinkly sacks on each side of its head, a beak, and had nothing I could note as eyes. Its torso, if you could call it that, was excreting some kind of viscous slime onto the ceiling, allowing it to cling, assisted by five spider-leg like tentacles.

“…..Mike the fuck is that?”

“…..the stuffed animal?”

We looked at each other incredulously, and bolted out of the storage room, closing the door on the way out, and pushing against it with our backs. We breathed heavily, the smell becoming even stronger.

“Jay, I swear to God, if this is some kind of prank, you’re not only going to be fired, but my foot is gonna be shoved so far up your ass….”

“Mike, I PROMISE you, I have 0 clue what that fucking thing is.”

We stared at each other for a moment, as Mike slowly backed away from the door, and I cracked the door slightly to look at what we were dealing with.

“Is it still there?”

“Yup, still chilling on the ceiling.”

It started to make soft cooing noises as it descended slowly. It was aware of my presence, I think, as it guided two tentacles onto the lunch table to steady itself before coming down. When it did, the sacks on its head inflated, allowing it to pull together all five tentacles into one firm mass, as it wriggled and gyrated on the table, leaving a firm layer of mucus. It then guided itself off the table, and went into the back of the storage area.

I cracked the door further, and started to step inside to approach the table. “It… it wrote something…”

“What the fuck you mean it wrote something???” Mike hissed.

I approached further, and saw a drawing of an oval, with two triangles on the bottom, two dots, and a bird-like shape in the center. It was then I noticed the garbage strewn across the room.

“It drew the Pringles guy.”

“It drew the Pringles guy?”

“It drew the Pringles guy.”

“The fuck you mean it drew the Pringles guy?!” Mike said as he stormed irritatingly into the back room. He then gazed thoughtfully at the table. “It drew the Pringles guy.”

“It drew the Pringles guy.” 

The creature happily cooed.

“Well, what do we do, Mike?”

“We give the thing what it wants.” Mike marched out into the store, grabbed a can of Pringles, and rolled it carefully towards the creature. The creature burbled, and grabbed the can with one tentacle. It stood the can upright, then, reinflating the sacks to float, and using two tentacles to pry the lid in half, used the remaining three tentacles to scoop the chips into its beak, which separated into four pieces, allowing for a cavernous mouth to form. When it was done, the creature clicked its beak with seeming happiness, and rolled the can back over to us. 

“Son of a bitch,” I said softly.

“Quick, quick, get him another!” Mike said eagerly.

I did, and again, the creature repeated the same process. We grabbed salt and vinegar, sour cream and onion, barbecue…. the thing sucked literally every crumb out. After the seventh can, it cooed as it approached Mike and I, reaching out a tentacle.

“I think… I think it wants to be friends with us….” I said, mesmerized.

“Yeah, grab its hand, Jay.”

“I ain’t grabbing that tentacle, you grab it.”

“Fuck no, man, I’m your boss, you want OT or what?”

I groaned, and reached my hand out for the creature to touch. When it did, it was as though time itself slowed down; I could feel every muscle of the creature’s body, every muscle in my own body, it felt as though we shared a mind. I saw a lush, yellow planet, and I saw grand, majestic creatures, and then I saw the empty vacuum of space, and the deep, deep, cold, for what could have been millenia, until there was an unfreezing, and he was here. I started to cry.

“Jesus, are you okay, man?”

I disconnected from the alien. “No…. I mean yeah. He’s beautiful, Mike. He’s just like us.”

Mike stared at me incredulously. “What, did he make you gay?”

“No, it’s not that, it’s just…”

“Hellooooo? Is anyone here?” A shrill voice echoed through the store.

“Oh shit, we’re on the clock…” I pointed to the alien. “You stay here little guy, okay?”

The alien clicked his beak, then Mike and I left the storage room. When I came out, there was a woman at the counter, tapping her foot impatiently, in one hand was a ten dollar bill, in the other was a gallon of milk. Mike went into his office, and I went behind the counter.

“Hi, I’m so sorry about that….” I went to grab the money out of her hand, when I noticed the viscous goo that coated it from when I touched the alien. The woman looked disgusted.

“I get y’all can do that now, but like, at work?”

“No, no, nothing like that, trust me, haha,” I chuckled as I wiped the goo on the side of my jeans, making the scene look slightly more suspect.

“Okay. Just give me my change,” she said as she looked away. She sniffed in, and then looked back at me, and then towards my torso and grimaced. “Do you even know what condoms are?”

“I don’t know, do you know how to keep your mouth shut?” I said, counting the change. 

She scoffed. “How rude! You people need to treat others with respect, hmmph!” she said, grabbing her change in her fist and leaving the store.

I sighed deeply before going back to the storage room with a can of Pringles. I watched the little guy sucked them down, as he climbed around the storage room. I tried to give him other snacks; Lays chips, fruit snacks, heck even a sandwich, but he really only liked the Pringles. 

“Hey, Jay,” Mike said, entering the room and closing the door, “so, I get that thing is an alien, but like, what do we do with it?” He squatted down to look at him. “This feels like an ‘FBI’ kinda situation.”

“Yeah, but like, he’s intelligent, and he’s good. Like I don’t think the government will treat him well. He might get tortured.”

“Yeah, but, Jay, it’s a fucking alien.” He looked to me. “It could have any number of diseases, or it could tell its homeworld that we’re a good planet, or like….”

“No, Penjamin would never.”

“….Penjamin?”

“Yes.”

“…..like a vape?”

“Cuz he sucks on the Pringles and he can draw.”

Mike stared at me. “Listen, Penjamin could be evil, dude, we don’t know…”

I looked at the little guy, his little face sacks rumbling, when I heard the front door slam. “EXCUSE ME?????”

“Oh, god damn it,” I said, leaving the back to go to the front. There again was the lady, holding the opened container of milk. 

“This milk is expired! EXPIRED! How fucking dare you! Are you trying to poison me and my children?” she screamed.

“No, ma’am, nothing of the sort…”

“What day is it today? Hmmm? What day is it?”

“…the 17th?”

“Yes! And what does it say on this milk???” She pushed the milk towards my face, her other manicured hand tapping her nail against the date.

“May the 16th.” 

“Oh, so we can read! I need to speak to a manager, or else I’ll be speaking to corporate, and… the fuck is that?” She pointed down at the ground. I turned to see Penjamin. 

“Oh, uh, that? Funny story….”

“Oh my god, eww! That thing is disgusting!” She screeched. Penjamin’s head sacks vibrated uncomfortably. “You people have vermin in this store?”

“No, so, actually…”

“I’m calling the cops right now, you disgusting fucks, I’m going to get this place shut the fuck d-” Penjamin let loose a high pitched screech, and sprinted over to the woman. It latched itself onto her, climbing up her leg, then to her torso. “Get it the fuck off, get it….” She closed her mouth once its tentacles got to her face.

The alien then took its two tentacles onto the woman’s lips, and forcefully separated them, her jaw becoming limp. I watched on in horror the other three tentacles reached deep into the woman’s throat, making it bulge and writhe, as her organs were pulled out of her torso; first her lungs, then her heart, then some intestine, sucked up like it was spaghetti into the bottomless mouth the beak revealed. The woman spasmed, her body being rooted around for any morsel of nutrition, before going limp, and falling to the ground. The alien, its beak covered in blood and viscera, released her, her body more or less just a pile of misplaced bones and hollow skin. I fell back, as Penjamin grabbed another can of Pringles, and went into the back storage area.

“Hey, I heard a commotion,” Mike said. “Everything all…. WHAT THE FUCK?” he cried, looking at the woman’s body. We stared at each other.

“Hey, listen, Mike, I didn’t know that shit was gonna happen, I swear to…”

“Get the mop.”

“…what?”

“Look, Jay, I’m not going back to prison. You see this?” He lifted up his pant leg to show an ankle monitor. “This is the only reason I’m able to see my kids. Get. The fucking. Mop.”

“Mike, please, dude, a woman died…”

“And you think the cops are gonna believe a fucking alien did it?!” he screamed.

He was right. So I got the mop. We dumped what remained of the woman in the Watchung Reservation; there was a nearby creek that was pretty active, so she kinda just… floated away. The whole situation kinda has me torn up inside, no pun intended.

Anyway, coming over here to ask if anyone has any experiences with this kind of thing, and maybe I could get some help from someone who believes all of this? I don’t know. Good to get it out though.

Peace.