I Found Out Years Ago Why We Weren’t Allowed to Swim in Camp Moonflower’s Lake.

I’m scared of water.

I know what you’re probably thinking. You’re scared of water, but you swam in the lake at your summer camp? I can assure you I wasn’t always afraid to go into the water.

My fear stems from my childhood. From a traumatic incident that I’ve done my best to bury as the years have gone by.

But no amount of therapy, self-medication, or soul-searching can erase or make sense of what I experienced. So, this is my attempt at making peace with everything. 

Whether or not you choose to believe me is up to your discretion, but before you draw your own conclusions about me, about everything, please read to the end.

I was twelve years old when I went to spend the summer at Camp Moonflower. It was something that I hadn’t done before, but my parents insisted that I spend a few months outdoors with kids my age instead of staying holed up in my room and playing video games. 

That’s how I ended up on a campground surrounded by a bunch of energetic, loud-mouthed kids. Kids that made me comfortable with being a wallflower.

Those first few days and nights at camp were unexpectedly fun. I did the activities, lip-synched the camp sing-a-longs, and acquired a few nasty sunburns along the way. But just as I was truly getting into the spirit of camp, I overheard some of the older kids at lunch one afternoon talking about Camp Moonflower’s lake.

I don’t remember the exact words verbatim, but here’s my best attempt at recalling what I had heard that day. 

“Moonflower Lake. Are you high, John? We’re not supposed to go there.”

John smiled mischievously. “Not if anybody finds out we’re going there, Billy. C’mon, it will be fun! We’ll be out of there before anyone notices.”

“I think he’s got a point. I don’t know if that’s such a good idea.”

“Mikey, don’t be such a pansy.” John scoffed. “You don’t believe in that curse crap, do ya?” 

I watched their eyes dart between one another nervously as John took a monstrous bite of his peanut butter and jelly sandwich. 

“Oh I see, I’m surrounded by wusses. You can’t believe everything you hear.”

“But the kids…” Mikey looked over his shoulder to make sure no counselors were nearby before continuing. “They drowned. Their bodies were never found either. That’s what my brother told me at least.”

“Yeah, yeah, it’s a bunch of bologna. You can’t take your brother’s word for everything.” John dismissed, wiping the crumbs and remnants of jelly from the corners of his mouth. “That lake ain’t bottomless. I’m going to prove it to you.”

Billy gulped. “How?”

“Let’s go to the lake tonight and see who can get closest to the bottom. Unless all of you are…CHICKENS!” John teased before drinking the rest of his chocolate milk.

What followed next was a fit of arguing and laughter from the group of older kids as I sat nearby, pondering what I had just heard.

Was I scared? A little. Did I believe what I had heard? Not entirely. There had to be some explanation as to why those kids were never found. After all, a lake couldn’t be bottomless. Right? 

Even at a young age, I knew that their little scheme wasn’t a good idea, but I wasn’t going to be the one to snitch. The last thing I needed was to be labeled as a “buzzkill” or a “tattle-tale” because I stopped kids from being kids. 

I decided to hold my tongue, and told myself that I’d only tag along and watch from afar. Perhaps I could join in on the shenanigans and make a few friends as well. The idea comforted me and I thought about it the rest of the day with a soft smile.

When the sky became alight with stars and everyone had retired for the evening, I snuck out of my cabin quieter than a church mouse. Masked by nightfall, I hurried towards the treeline. I felt like a ninja as I snuck across the spongy grass and damp vegetation on my way towards the lake.

The group of older kids were already there by the time I arrived, and they were hyping themselves up on the dock.

“C’mon chicken shits! Let’s go!” 

John was the first one to dive into the water. When he came back up, the others followed suit. One by one they dove into the water, sloshing and splashing about as they had their fun. They took turns going under the water for extended periods of time, trying to outdo one another in an attempt to reach the bottom. 

However, their efforts proved futile. None of them stayed under very long. Every time they resurfaced, they laughed and admitted they still hadn’t reached the bottom.

Right as I thought about diving into the lake and joining them, Billy and Mikey got out of the water and began drying themselves off. I was disappointed in my own hesitation. I could have potentially made some new friends had it not been for my perpetual cold feet.

But before John could get out of the lake to dry off, he went back under the water. 

Thinking that he was messing with them, Billy called out from the dock. “Really funny John. Quit yanking our chain and let’s get out of here before we get in trouble.”

Even from where I was positioned, I could sense that something was off. A few seconds became a few minutes, and there was still no sign of John. I could see Billy and Mikey growing more and more pale with every second that ticked by.

Without warning, a body breached the surface and thrashed about frantically in the water.

“HELP! SOMETHING’S GOT ME!” 

The shrill shriek was the last thing we heard before John was dragged under. Terrified splashing had now become quiet, pulsing ripples in the lake’s water as it reflected the moon like glass.

“WHAT DO WE DO?!” Mikey’s voice cracked as he looked at Billy for an answer.

Billy looked whiter than a bed sheet as he stammered a solution he couldn’t get out. “I-I-I-“ 

They gawked at the now still water, hesitant to jump in. Neither of them were doing anything to help John, but I could do something.

It was at that moment that I made a decision that would change all of our lives forever.

I sprinted toward the dock with urgency, desperate to save John from whatever was in the water. My feet thudded against the wood of the dock, the sound alerting Billy and Mikey of my presence.

“Hey, kid, what are you-“ 

I never heard the rest of Billy’s question as I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and leapt from the dock. 

Goosebumps prickled up my arms and legs as I felt the ice-cold water envelope me. The force of crashing into the water nearly knocked the breath out of me, but I opened my eyes against the sting of the water. I couldn’t see John. I couldn’t see my hands. I couldn’t see anything in the dark.

With the pressure building in my ears, I swam downwards. Despite my best efforts to navigate the waters, I couldn’t tell if I was actually making any progress. It felt like I was swimming in place, a sensation that filled me with dread. 

The water remained uncomfortably still as I pushed forward. Aside from the throbbing in my ears, the only other sound was the distant echo of joyous laughter. I couldn’t pinpoint where exactly it was coming from.

I nearly stopped swimming, but forced myself to continue. My heart pounded like thunder in my chest, and against my better judgment, I ignored what I heard and kept swimming. The further I went down, the more disoriented I felt. I couldn’t tell which way was up or down. At one point, I thought I saw stars beneath me as I searched for John in the vast, black water.

Slimy strands of seaweed brushed against my skin as I paddled my feet. My lungs were begging for air. I needed to go back to the surface, but I couldn’t leave without him. I’d be letting everyone down. Unfortunately, I didn’t have a choice in the matter.

As I started swimming back up, I felt something brush against my ankle. I thought it was a fish that had bumped into me, but then, I became stuck in place.

I kicked my foot several times, trying desperately to move from whatever was keeping me trapped. Had I gotten stuck on a log or something? My own question was answered when I was pulled down abruptly with incredible force. A blistering sensation crept across the inside of my chest as bubbles erupted from my throat in shaky columns. With every desperate movement I made to wiggle free, my air supply continued to dwindle.

I knew better than to scream, but when I saw what was underneath me, I nearly let one out.

I saw children. A dozen of them. All clutching my legs and pulling me down into the murky depths with the giddiness of someone winning a prize. Their translucent skin rippled with the water, and their delighted milk-white eyes gazed into mine as I struggled like a wild bird tangled in a net. 

No matter how hard I tugged, no matter how hard I kicked, no matter how hard I tried to swim, I couldn’t move anywhere but down. Their excited giggling swelled around me the closer I drifted toward their playful smiles.

What little adrenaline I had left slowly dissipated, and my surroundings began to spin. My body felt as heavy as an anchor as I descended deeper into the underbelly of the lake. 

Suddenly, one of the children drifted closer than the others until his face was mere inches from mine. The moment I recognized him, every remaining shred of hope inside of me died.

It was John.

His soaked hair floated weightlessly around his pale face as a terrible excitement glistened in his eyes. The children gathered around me in a curious circle, their laughter echoing through the water like a playground during recess.

From the looks on their faces, they appeared to be thrilled to finally see me up close. 

“A new friend.”

The words extinguished every thought in my mind. I couldn’t breathe. Tiny, pellucid hands tightened their grip around my legs, and dragged me deeper into the endless cold void below.

I hadn’t thought about death before that night, but the further I sank, the more I dwelled on it. Would it be as dark and cold as the water I was trapped in? Would I see God? Would I see anybody? What was waiting for me?

The questions spiraling through my mind were underscored by my slowing heartbeat. The lake around me distorted into bleary shapes and broken prisms of light. Somewhere beneath all my fear, a small but traitorous part of me stopped resisting. Maybe dying wouldn’t be the worst outcome if it meant I wouldn’t be alone down here.

Before I could accept my fate as nothing more than a submerged memory, a powerful force suddenly wrapped itself around my waist and yanked me upward.

I don’t remember the journey up from the depths. The next thing that I remember happening was coughing and sputtering on the dock. A counselor pressed against my chest in rhythmic pushes, causing my body to spasmodically heave with every burst of water that came up from my throat.

The night air grazed against my soaked skin. The sensation made me feel like I was at the center of a blizzard. I gasped desperately for breath while my entire body trembled uncontrollably. 

Above me, red and blue lights danced intermittently across the surroundings as counselors and camp goers alike observed in panicked confusion. Billy was crying nearby, and Mikey kept shaking his head, refusing to acknowledge what happened as reality. 

I tried to sit up, but the moment I did, I nearly vomited. I lay on the dock, clutching my head as my ears rang from the sustained pressure I had endured underwater. 

After I had somewhat returned to feeling like I could breathe properly again, the police began questioning everyone separately. Counselors wrapped towels around my shoulders and commended me for my bravery. Their words did little to provide me peace or calm, and the line of questioning from the police wasn’t helping anything either.

I refrained from telling them the truth about what had actually happened to John. Not because I didn’t want to, but because I knew deep down in my heart that they wouldn’t have believed me even if I had told them. 

That’s something I’ve held onto for all these years, and I feel so guilty for not giving anyone answers. 

A thorough search of the lake was conducted by the police, but news outlets reported that John’s body was never found. Since I was the last person to have presumably seen him alive, I was blamed for his death. But no charges were ever filed against me due to a lack of evidence, and the summer camp was closed for good shortly thereafter.

And that leads me to the present day. I rarely sleep, and my bedside drawer is overflowing with medication I can’t recite or pronounce properly. I can’t get the image of John and those children out of my head. The memory of it all still feels excruciatingly real. 

I’ve kept in touch with Billy and Mikey since then in some capacity. The last time I spoke to Billy was a couple days ago. He’s doing well for himself and providing for his family by being an airplane mechanic somewhere in the Midwest. Mikey has been harder to get a hold of, though. He’s been busy keeping his multiple businesses afloat in addition to being a father of four.

Sometimes, we talk about that night. But I have never gone into detail with them about what I had seen. They still view me as a hero, but I’ve never felt deserving of that title. I can’t help but wonder what would’ve happened had I been successfully pulled under. 

Even after writing this down, I don’t exactly feel any better. But I at least hope that this provides some closure for John’s family and for those who witnessed such a horrific tragedy that night.

I’m sorry John.

I wish they would have taken me instead.