Something doesn’t feel right outside the house

I haven’t left my house in a few years. I have lost count of how many exactly, to be honest.

After the first few months, it kind of stopped bothering me, as well, I didn’t really feel the need to be outside. What is it good for? Here I’m well fed, comfortable, entertained and safe, a combination of things I would never have if I stepped out.

I have felt kind of strange lately, however.

I can feel some kind of “weirdness” when I’m close to anything leading out, like windows or doors. It’s hard to describe. You know that feeling when you know you’re being watched, so intently, that it’s as if your clothes didn’t exist and your thoughts were written on your forehead? It’s like that in a sense but increasing the closer I am to even be looking “out”.

At first, I attributed it to my anxiousness stepping up after not even seeing the sun for so long, maybe my mental was just messed up. Problem is, I don’t think I see even sunlight coming from the windows anymore. The tape, of course, doesn’t help, but you would imagine at least some light coming from between it or piercing it, right?

Then comes the thing that maybe sounds weird to you all, but that at the time made no difference for me. The topic of food. How do I get my groceries, that type of stuff. Well, I don’t know.

I remember vividly I ordered most of my food at the beginning, as well as me having the money to always afford it, somehow. At some point my orders stopped going through, but food keeps showing up inside the house.

You would think this is a real red flag, right? Well, this didn’t bother me too much, in fact I was excited, who wouldn’t be happy to get free food?

That thought process was so liberating, right until the feeling I mentioned started. The food started showing up less often, and when it does, even touching it feels dirty, the consistency is fine, but there’s this prickling in the black of my head as if I was going through radioactive waste.

I started to notice how different I look when the pain from hunger started. I can feel my bare bones in every touch, my sunken cheeks are so sunken I probably look like a blinking corpse, as I barely have energy to do anything else most of the time.

It has been 3 days since the last time I received any food, and hunger slapped me out of the stupor.

I’ve tried to look up, multiple times, if there is something going on in my city, or the world, but there are no related news, as if everything is normal outside. But how does this make any sense?

I feel the dread from every opening in my house increasing every single day, and may even be hallucinating from hunger, as I can see shadows and… curious looking figures from the corner of my eyes, every single time I turn by head.

So, I decided to remove the tape and finally look outside one of my windows.

There is no “window” behind the tape. It is a wall. They are all walls behind the tape.

I don’t think there is any point in discussing this. I don’t think I have the time to figure out any other solutions before hunger makes me unable to even act on any plan.

I know the door is not a wall, as I have already felt its texture many times since this situation began.

So, I will open the door today.

I decided to write this in case hunger takes me, or if the “outside” takes that first.

If I survive, I will get back to you all.

Farewell.